5 things I learned in the first 5 months
There's nothing quite like having a little person come out of your body to make you feel like a helpless idiot. Partially because you ARE a helpless idiot thanks to drugs and lack of sleep, but also because starting life with a baby is akin to waking up in a foreign country without a map and no idea how to speak the language. Because the language is comprised mostly of screams and guttural noises that will scare the crap out of you 100% of the time.
Don't worry. You'll learn your way around. Much more quickly than you expect, probably. After all, the citizen of guttural-cry-country already loves and thinks you are the best thing since breast milk.
Thing 1: It isn't IF you need a lactation consultant. It is when.
All the literature I read before the tiny human arrived seemed to say 'if you need this resource, it is there'. Which is amazing- I can't imagine trying to learn some of this stuff without a teacher. But in my opinion... they should just go ahead and take the 'if' out of the equation. You can check your insurance before the kid even comes out- lactation appointments (up to a certain number) might be covered. And you should use them. If for no other reason than having your baby weighed once a week will put your mind at ease. If you aren't having any issues, consider this a good moment to have someone tell you what a good job you are doing and weigh your kid (and keep the bragging to a minimum, unless you want a crowd of breast shield-wielding moms to beat you down in the parking lot). If you are having issues, lactation consultants can walk you through them, give you tools to help you manage, and provide the much needed 'we will get this figured out' that you are craving. My consultant's name was Connie, and she was an angel in a very challenging time. She was able to give me advice about starting a pacifier, when the tiny tot was ready to try out a bottle, and give me great tips on pumping as well. We're 5 months in, and I still use her advice on a daily basis.
Thing 2: It. Will. Get. Better.
This applies to may things. Pain post-birth... difficulty nursing... the ache that encompasses your body when you haven't slept for more than 2 hours in the last 24. It gets better. When the tiny human came home with us, she was using a shield to help her nurse, and someone casually informed me that I would have to wean her off. I, of course, panicked, because my kid would NOT nurse without the shield. And I was convinced she wouldn't. Not ever. This is one of the reasons for my 'thing 1' tip above. I went to lactation at least once a week for 6 weeks. And you know what? Tiny human didn't need a shield by the end of that. And started gaining weight about halfway through. It got better.
The same goes for the post-birth weirdness with your body. I was so proud when I went to the hospital. I had managed to stay in my shoes all throughout my pregnancy, and I wasn't super swollen. Imagine my surprise when all of my swelling happened IN the hospital and my legs/feet were so enormous I could barely fit into socks, never mind the shoes I had brought. It took a couple weeks of wearing my slippers to appointments, but eventually my appendages returned to a size that shoes could once again encompass. I was actually one of the lucky ones that got to maintain the foot size that I had before pregnancy (please, ladies, don't throw your shoes at me- I've got a my own issues (ish-shoes. Heh)).
Thing 3: Newborn stage is relatively short
This isn't one of those 'treasure these moments because they are short' things (though they are, and you should) its more of a practical tip. Things like the newborn insert for the car seat and bathtub are only intended to be used until a certain weight is reached. That, for some reason, was completely news to me, and I was using the sling in the bathtub waaaaay after I needed to be. Maybe make a little list of those things and the weights related to them before your kid comes out, so you won't have to look them up individually later.
Thing 4: Not all kids like the car
For some reason I expected tiny human to like the car. Don't all babies like the car? They go to sleep with the grumble of the engine and the bounce of the terrible Oklahoma roads? No? They don't? They scream? Excellent. After one particularly dreadful car-ride that featured 45 minutes of screaming, I started doing some research about what might help tiny human hate the car a little less. I found everything from playing Baby Einstein music to hanging toys from their car seat handle and a magic mirror that sings and has lights. I started doing all of those things, and it DID help. Though not 100% of the time. Tiny human likes to be held, and the car seat just doesn't cut it when it comes to getting the snuggles I guess. We spent 2.5 hours of a 3 hour drive over the 4th of July in tears, so, it isn't a magic fix-all. But they have helped a bit. Bear in mind I have no idea about the safety of any of these solutions, so definitely check out what the products say and make sure you are comfortable using them. I bought this hangy toy and this mirror on Amazon, because in the middle of the night, Amazon is my best friend.
Thing 5: The rules change constantly
Just about the time I think I have something figured out, the tiny human moves on to the next thing. Sometimes she will outgrow something (looking at you, swaddles) or just have her needs change (like when she didn't need to be supplemented during night feedings with extra from a bottle). As a creature of routine myself, I kept reading 'babies like routine,' and thinking that meant that the routine itself would always be the same. Not so, as it turns out. Be ready to change things up as the kid grows.
A lot of these changes can be for the better. For example, our nightly wake up routine used to look like:
- Baby wakes up. Mama wakes up. Lays baby on bed and unswaddles/undresses baby
- Baby nurses 20 minutes on first side, with mama tickling feet and cheeks to keep awake (undressing baby also for awake keeping purposes). Burp.
- After one side, mama gets up, starts a 1 oz bottle in the kitchen, and then changes baby's diaper
- Feed on second side. Still attempt to keep baby awake. Burp. Turn on overhead fan when tickling doesn't work
- After second side, offer 1 oz bottle (after warming again/cooling down, depending on how well mama did guessing the length of second side feed)
- Re-dress baby. Re-swaddle baby.
- Rock baby in chair for 10 minutes, or until baby is very asleep and can be returned to bassinet
Repeat in 2-3 hours.
These days, our wake up routine looks like:
- Baby wakes up. Mama wakes up. Waits to see if baby is actually wanting to get up.
- Mama takes baby out of Merlin suit
- Baby nurses 10 minutes on one side.
- Diaper change
- Burp
- Baby nurses 10 minutes on second side. Burp (sometimes)
- Put baby back in Merlin suit
- Kiss on forehead, and baby goes back to Pack'n'play awake
Don't worry. You'll learn your way around. Much more quickly than you expect, probably. After all, the citizen of guttural-cry-country already loves and thinks you are the best thing since breast milk.
Thing 1: It isn't IF you need a lactation consultant. It is when.
All the literature I read before the tiny human arrived seemed to say 'if you need this resource, it is there'. Which is amazing- I can't imagine trying to learn some of this stuff without a teacher. But in my opinion... they should just go ahead and take the 'if' out of the equation. You can check your insurance before the kid even comes out- lactation appointments (up to a certain number) might be covered. And you should use them. If for no other reason than having your baby weighed once a week will put your mind at ease. If you aren't having any issues, consider this a good moment to have someone tell you what a good job you are doing and weigh your kid (and keep the bragging to a minimum, unless you want a crowd of breast shield-wielding moms to beat you down in the parking lot). If you are having issues, lactation consultants can walk you through them, give you tools to help you manage, and provide the much needed 'we will get this figured out' that you are craving. My consultant's name was Connie, and she was an angel in a very challenging time. She was able to give me advice about starting a pacifier, when the tiny tot was ready to try out a bottle, and give me great tips on pumping as well. We're 5 months in, and I still use her advice on a daily basis.
Thing 2: It. Will. Get. Better.
This applies to may things. Pain post-birth... difficulty nursing... the ache that encompasses your body when you haven't slept for more than 2 hours in the last 24. It gets better. When the tiny human came home with us, she was using a shield to help her nurse, and someone casually informed me that I would have to wean her off. I, of course, panicked, because my kid would NOT nurse without the shield. And I was convinced she wouldn't. Not ever. This is one of the reasons for my 'thing 1' tip above. I went to lactation at least once a week for 6 weeks. And you know what? Tiny human didn't need a shield by the end of that. And started gaining weight about halfway through. It got better.
The same goes for the post-birth weirdness with your body. I was so proud when I went to the hospital. I had managed to stay in my shoes all throughout my pregnancy, and I wasn't super swollen. Imagine my surprise when all of my swelling happened IN the hospital and my legs/feet were so enormous I could barely fit into socks, never mind the shoes I had brought. It took a couple weeks of wearing my slippers to appointments, but eventually my appendages returned to a size that shoes could once again encompass. I was actually one of the lucky ones that got to maintain the foot size that I had before pregnancy (please, ladies, don't throw your shoes at me- I've got a my own issues (ish-shoes. Heh)).Thing 3: Newborn stage is relatively short
This isn't one of those 'treasure these moments because they are short' things (though they are, and you should) its more of a practical tip. Things like the newborn insert for the car seat and bathtub are only intended to be used until a certain weight is reached. That, for some reason, was completely news to me, and I was using the sling in the bathtub waaaaay after I needed to be. Maybe make a little list of those things and the weights related to them before your kid comes out, so you won't have to look them up individually later.
Thing 4: Not all kids like the car
For some reason I expected tiny human to like the car. Don't all babies like the car? They go to sleep with the grumble of the engine and the bounce of the terrible Oklahoma roads? No? They don't? They scream? Excellent. After one particularly dreadful car-ride that featured 45 minutes of screaming, I started doing some research about what might help tiny human hate the car a little less. I found everything from playing Baby Einstein music to hanging toys from their car seat handle and a magic mirror that sings and has lights. I started doing all of those things, and it DID help. Though not 100% of the time. Tiny human likes to be held, and the car seat just doesn't cut it when it comes to getting the snuggles I guess. We spent 2.5 hours of a 3 hour drive over the 4th of July in tears, so, it isn't a magic fix-all. But they have helped a bit. Bear in mind I have no idea about the safety of any of these solutions, so definitely check out what the products say and make sure you are comfortable using them. I bought this hangy toy and this mirror on Amazon, because in the middle of the night, Amazon is my best friend.
Thing 5: The rules change constantly
Just about the time I think I have something figured out, the tiny human moves on to the next thing. Sometimes she will outgrow something (looking at you, swaddles) or just have her needs change (like when she didn't need to be supplemented during night feedings with extra from a bottle). As a creature of routine myself, I kept reading 'babies like routine,' and thinking that meant that the routine itself would always be the same. Not so, as it turns out. Be ready to change things up as the kid grows.
A lot of these changes can be for the better. For example, our nightly wake up routine used to look like:
- Baby wakes up. Mama wakes up. Lays baby on bed and unswaddles/undresses baby
- Baby nurses 20 minutes on first side, with mama tickling feet and cheeks to keep awake (undressing baby also for awake keeping purposes). Burp.
- After one side, mama gets up, starts a 1 oz bottle in the kitchen, and then changes baby's diaper
- Feed on second side. Still attempt to keep baby awake. Burp. Turn on overhead fan when tickling doesn't work
- After second side, offer 1 oz bottle (after warming again/cooling down, depending on how well mama did guessing the length of second side feed)
- Re-dress baby. Re-swaddle baby.
- Rock baby in chair for 10 minutes, or until baby is very asleep and can be returned to bassinet
Repeat in 2-3 hours.
These days, our wake up routine looks like:
- Baby wakes up. Mama wakes up. Waits to see if baby is actually wanting to get up.
- Mama takes baby out of Merlin suit
- Baby nurses 10 minutes on one side.
- Diaper change
- Burp
- Baby nurses 10 minutes on second side. Burp (sometimes)
- Put baby back in Merlin suit
- Kiss on forehead, and baby goes back to Pack'n'play awake
